Best Man (she/her)
After melting my way through my working day, the last thing I expected was a call from one of my friends I hadn’t spoken to in about 2 years.
By hadn’t spoken to - I mean we’d passed a meme backwards and forwards, and vague comments about ‘catching up soon’, but no real in-depth conversations or catch-up’s over a drink or dinner - a far cry from when we’d wander home from nights out stopping off for a walk-through the drive-thru, or to perch precariously on a bridge and talk about purpose, life and where we wanted to go - or balance on a bollard, because it’s not always that deep.
I knew he was engaged - he sent me the video from when he’d proposed a year ago (and I might’ve teared up a little at the time). I knew where he worked and I knew the general rhythm of his life, and most importantly, I knew he was happy - but I hadn’t met his fiancé and honestly, when he said he needed to call me - I was expecting to find out he was going to be father.
Instead he asked me to be his best man (she/her).
We spoke for about fifteen minutes - because he’d dropped out from his job behind the bar to ask -and he’s since sent me over the venue and dates.
I’ve generally had more male friends than female friends throughout my life and I could blame that entirely on the ‘girls are bitchy’ cliché - but that’s not true - it’s probably rooted in my own personality being both soft-hearted and grounded with a reflexive blend of banter and backbone.
Two things I didn’t think I could bring into my job. Two things that form a core part of me.
I am soft-hearted, which is how I ended up in it - and recently I’ve really struggled to feel like I’m making any kind of difference. I love my job… I just used to find that difference in the moment trust was built, a child was safe or a parent felt seen. I found huge meaning in mentoring students - but my current role doesn’t afford that option.
It’s not uncommon in social work to feel this way - and I guess as you’re about to turn 30 it probably isn’t either. Especially if you have a tendency to plan your life 5 years in advance and have an idealistic view of how everything ‘should’ be.
After the phone clicked off though I felt a flicker.
Me and my friend worked together at a bar, both stocked fridges and pulling pints (and honestly, it was a job I enjoyed - particularly on a Sunday evening when the regular old boys would sit at the end of the bar and I’d catch glimpses of the good old days retold through their John Smith soaked recollections).
I chose a very different career path to most of my friends - but it reminded me that those friendships were never about shared goals.
They’re rooted in similar souls and the bonds of growing up together. Through the awkward hair-styles, first heartbreaks and always staying in reach, even when we’ve been out of touch.
And it lit me up to recognise that.
He’s gone on to run his own pub now, and I’ve gone on to be a social worker. He’s also gone on to get married, and I’m about to get online and see if I can buy a suit.
I’m definitely going to have to work ‘suit-up’ into the speech somewhere..
If there’s one thing we can hold on to if we ever look around and feel like we’ve become our job - it’s the people we knew before we took it.
Anyone able to help a girl out with stag-do suggestions?