Sparkling on empty: The emotional gymnastics of social work

Social Chameleon, Social Butterfly - Or Social Worker?

Introverted by nature, extroverted by profession. It’s a pretty common occurrence in social work.

However we’re hardwired, it can be difficult to determine within our teams who is more naturally extraverted, and who is more introverted in a profession predicated upon empathy.

Because the same person who feels deeply drained by social interaction, can seem to engage without reservation in a crowded room radiating genuine warmth, ease and humour. They can play a part, and gel with anyone.

They might appear like a social Butterfly, floating with ease between people - but beneath that is a subtle adjustment between each interaction - a change in register, tone and topic - marking them a social chameleon, instead.

Or as one of my colleagues. Because Social Work requires the same skill set.

If anyone can remember ‘CatDog’ - It’s a pretty good representation of how I feel interacting across different groups at times. I used to feel as though it made me disingenuous to go from discussing the transfer window, to determining which shade of lipstick was the best - until I realised that I wasn’t actually shapeshifting, just socially adjusting.

An adaptive skill rooted in empathy. An extension of which we all use within our working weeks consistently.

The way I present and relate to my manager, is different from how I relate to students - which again differs vastly from how I relate to parents, and then again through to children.

The way I relate to my best friend significantly differs at times from how I relate to my colleagues. The way I relate to one group of my friends, differs from how I relate to another.

My comfort levels with each kind of interaction vary widely, but my engagement with them regardless of what they are - pretty consistent.

Honestly, there have been times I’ve metamorphosed myself so much across the course of my working week, I’d need half an hour sitting on my driveway just to remember who ‘Millie’ is when she’s alone, then to recover - because I am an extroverted introvert. I can engage well in group settings - I just need approximately 4 working days to recover, afterwards.

I’ll also occasionally analyse everything I said within those transitions, realising the gap between what I meant and how it landed - which takes up around 2 of them at times.

The line between social worker and self isn’t always clearly drawn at the best of times - our personal lives aren’t exempt from our professional standards, and anybody that sat through a lecture on that matter left with the fear of god - and age old Facebook photos resurfacing - drummed into them.

It’s true in any profession you work in, when connection with others is required and regulation is ominously present - we find ourselves adapting in order to achieve it reflexively, and can then also find ourselves having to work to revert after it.

It’s the paradox not just of our professional identity, but of personality. Adaptability and authenticity are not mutually exclusive - particularly for anybody who is highly empathetic, intuitive or attuned to their environment and what is expected of them within it.

When we feel deeply, or read a room readily yet we also have to perform socially - we show up, and we shine even when we’re running on empty - even if we send a few sparkles off in the wrong directions.

Though sometimes, we do naturally just smoulder our way through to Friday, too.

Occasionally - we just end up pulling over in a service station carpark for a nap like I did today.

Extraversion might make the ‘social’ aspect of ‘social work’ easier, but we level out when it comes to clocking up the miles.